Here's Tae Us, Wha's Like Us ?

Damn few an' they're a' deid !

By Ian Stewart

The average Englishman, in the home that he calls his castle, slips into his national costume, a shabby raincoat . . . a garment patented by Charles MacIntosh, a chemist from Glasgow, Scotland.

En route to his office he strides along an English lane which has recently been re-surfaced . . . using a process invented by John MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland.

The car he drives, as are most others, is fitted with pneumatic tyres . . . which were invented by John Boyd Dunlop, a veterinary surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland.

Having arrived at the office he receives his morning mail, bearing adhesive stamps . . . invented by Arbroath born James Chalmers, a bookseller and printer who was based in Dundee, Scotland.

During the day he uses the telephone . . . invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

At home, he sits down to watch the evening news on the television . . . an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland.

He listens to an item about the US Navy . . . founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.

Later in the evening, he watches as his daughter pedals down the lane on her bicycle . . . invented by Kirkpatrick MacMillan, a blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.

He questions whether there is anywhere that an Englishman can turn to escape the ingenuity of these Scots ?

He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and, in desperation, picks up his copy of the Holy Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is yet another Scot . . . King James VI . . . who authorized its translation.

He could take to drink . . . but the Scots make the best in the world.

He could take a rifle and end it all . . . but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.

If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table being injected with penicillin . . . discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland.

And if he were given the anesthetic chloroform ? . . . it was discovered by James Young Simpson, an Obstetrician and Gynecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.

Out of anesthetic, he would probably find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England . . . founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to be given a transfusion of guid Scots blood that would then entitle him to ask . . .

 

Wha's Like Us ?