scs Millenium Edition Calendar

By Haggishagger Publishing

Following many requests received requesting information on this item, scs Informer has managed, at great expense, to obtain the following details but, unfortunately, without the photographs, from a (naturally) anonymous source regarding the contents of the 'Millenium Edition scs Calendar'.

PUBLISHERS NOTE

Please do not try to place orders here for this valuable and much sought after collectors item. We have been advised that the Jawja Trading Co. have attempted to corner the market with 'reproductions' but that the original is currently still being held in secure storage 'somewhere in Europe'.

January :

The year begins on an artistic note, featuring s.c.s. Bawdy Laureate, Mr Dave MacLean, as the incomparable Robert Burns. He will be shown holding haggis in one hand and the immortal 'Wee Ditty' in the other. Credit for this classic photo goes to a mysterious lass signing herself as 'Highland Snady'.

February :

Due to the disproportionate number of furtively lurking MacGregors, the editors have elected to feature the fierce and imposing Mr Jim Whyte as Alasdair of Glenstrae in a dramatic re-creation of the Rout of Glen Fruin (applicants who are not chosen for features may be called back for casting as Colquhouns).

March :

The famous outlaw Rob Roy MacGregor will be portrayed by Charles McGregor. Chic will be displaying a claymore of remarkable size and a menacing scowl. The editors regret that they were unable to accommodate Chic's request to depict the now-famous 'Standing Stone' scene, but they hope he'll enjoy posing with the Highland cattle just as much.

April :

Mr Stephen Hamilton has been chosen to portray Prince Charles Edward Stewart in his Post-Culloden Highland Dress. The re-created dress is "...a coarse printed gown, a light-coloured quilted petticoat, and a mantle of dun camblet, made in the Irish fashion, with a hood." (If Mr. Hamilton is wondering how he wound up as 'Betty Burke', he should remember a rather unfortunate situation in his garden involving a powerful publisher who has an inborn aversion to buckshot and being tracked by dogs . . . she is vengeful in her wrath).

May :

In honour of the legendary Captain William Kidd of Greenock, Scotland, we have asked Mr Graham McDermott to step up to the gibbet and shiver his timbers. Captain Kidd was hanged for piracy at the Execution Dock in London on May 23, 1701. The editors believe Graham could be also hung . . . well ? When contacted, Graham said that he would consider donating his jewels to a treasure hunt on Gardiner Island, New York for a future publicity campaign. Like the historical Captain Kidd, he is willing to give his 'effects' to charity. The Company is confident that there will be many bids for his 'Gold Bug' (please see Edgar Allen Poe for a reference).

June :

The month which is, to quote Mr Rogers and Mr Hammerstein, 'bustin' out all over' has been withdrawn. An unconfirmed rumour would suggest that the photographs intended for June are currently available on a certain binary group.

July :

Mr. Micheil MacPhàdruig will portray the brave John Graham of Claverhouse shortly before Killiecrankie. The devilishly handsome MacPhàdruig was originally slated to portray Bonnie Prince Charlie, but abruptly became Bonnie Dundee when a Haggishagger Publishing secretary saw his application photo and cried 'Oh, for an hour of Paterson !'

August :

In celebration of the birth of Sir Walter Scott, Mr. David Sneddon will be shown as the author himself, working like a madman to pay off huge debts. Haggishagger Publishing, has, of course, thoughtfully provided a massive quantity of bills for David to pay, and thanks him MOST gratefully for his participation.

September :

In an effort to balance the historical events of the calendar, the editors have chosen to depict the dramatic assassination of Edward II. After careful thought, Mr. Michael Wade has been selected to portray Edward in this stunning historical re-creation. Haggishagger Publishing is sure that no one will be more stunned by this than Mike himself.

October :

Mr. Ian O. Morrison has been determined to be a perfect representation of the Wallace. Here we see him, wielding his HUGE baldric in front of him with ease and grace as he heroically protects Scotland in the traditional manner. To the right of him is his ever faithful chaplain, John Blair, portrayed by Jack Campin. Jack is looking on reassuringly and seems to be saying, 'FOR GOD SAKES WILLIAM ! This not be the place to advertize yer bonniegalla' ware ! Pat that thin' awa afore ye fa' on it !'

November :

Craig Cockburn appears as the Galilean fisherman, St. Andrew. Mr. Cockburn may be a surprise, but he expressed an interest in our money making endeavours and sent a sizeable cheque. We promise that we will have more exposure of him in the near future. As soon as the publishers are certain that their publicity is placed in the newsgroup FAQ and his cheque clears the bank.

December :

In the shadow of the snowcapped Cairngorms we find Joe Makowiecz as The Big Grey Man, Ben holding his MacDhui. For some reason, Mrs. Makowiecz insisted that she be present while we were filming. Once she was revived she uttered, 'That can't be Joe ! It's covered with gray hair, the head is disproportionately large and the neck very thick and powerful. . . . it's also ten feet tall !' We want to thank 'The Body Shop' this month for the use of their free sample of orange wheat conditioner which has never been tested on animals until now but seems to still work just fine.