Helpful Information for non-Scots in Scotland

Compiled by Josiah Jenkins

The Most Hated Things in Scotland

Andy Stewart

Scotty from Star Trek (OK, he was only a bad Canadian actor)

The Alexander Brothers

Drunken Duncan Ferguson

Simple Minds

Michael Forsyth

Harry Lauder

The Sunday Post

Heart of Midlothian FC

Glasgow Rangers FC fans

Glasgow Celtic FC fans

Dundee anything (cake, football, clubs, city . . .)

Irvine Welsh

Rod Stewart

STV

That bimbo who used to be on News at Ten

Grampian TV

Winnie Ewing

Billy Connolly

The Bay City Rollers

The Proclaimers

Tennent's Special

Deep Fried Pizza

Cumbernauld

Fran and Anna

Shortbread tins (but not the shortbread)

Clan Tartans

The Krankies

Edinburgh Rock

Dryborough's Heavy

Videos in Edinburgh Woolen Mill shops

The MP for Monklands East

The MP for Tayside North (old entry)

The rest of the Scottish Conservative and Unionist Party

'Scotland the Brave'

The Daily Record

Deep Fried Haggis

Radio Forth

Music in Edinburgh Woolen Mill shops

Glasgow City Council

Dundee City Council (sorry, already covered above)

Stagecoach buses

Englishmen in Kilts

Scotsmen with bad legs in Kilts

University of St Andrews / Glasgow / Edinburgh student VISA cards

Those Gaelic bits on the departure boards in railway stations

Midges

People who have climbed more than 100 Munros

The Cold

The Wet

The Dark

Being asked where Stenhousemuir is

Scabby, crumpled Royal Bank One Pound notes

The Scottish Football team

Welsh Pound coins with 'Ghhwwryytggh Yyttlmm Willgttrrffh' on the side

The Scottish Rugby team

Glenrothes

Dundee bus station (sorry, repeating again)

Trying to say Auchtermuchty

Alex Salmonds eyebrows

The funny note at the end of 'Flower of Scotland' that nobody sings in tune

The Forfar by-pass

Billy Connolly talking politics

Airdrie (special entry by request of Coatbridgers)

Coatbridge (special entry by request of Airdrieonians)

People who try to sing along to Runrig tapes

The Aberdonian dialect

People who can pronounce Scottish mountain names correctly

The Glaswegian dialect

Pretending that the Scott Monument is really good

Cumbernauld Town Centre

Arguing about when to cross-link arms when singing 'Auld lang Syne'

Books by Sir Walter Scott

Trying to understand a Burns poem

Billy Connolly singing

That flag on Edinburgh Castle

The People's Friend

Having to watch Jimmy Hill on television

Universities which were nursery schools or corner shops before 1990

Trying to read Gaelic words out loud

Having to use a Scottish Tourist Board office

The Shinty results

People who hate English people

Postman Pat in Gaelic

Young, glassy eyed people with big bags and wooly hats who want money for missionary work

Being asked 'Nationality' on an official form

Barnton roundabout

Clans, Clan chiefs, Clan tartans, Clan mottos

Pretending that Princes Street is beautiful

The Dundonian dialect

Gaelic news programmes

Being associated with the British entry in the Eurovision Song Contest

Scottish ex-pats

Descendants of Scottish ex-pats

Admitting that Cricket is actually a very good sport to watch

Having to retire to Millport, St Andrews or Pitlochry

TV Hogmanay parties (all time #1 greatest Scottish hate)

The sign on Princes Street saying, 'if your name is here, you have a tartan'
(and then lists every name in the entire New York and Chicago telephone directories)