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From Perfidious Alban Enterprises

Perfidious Alban Merchandising International are pleased to present the following selection of exclusive services and desirable items for immediate purchase. We would like to draw to the attention of potential clients that neither this enterprise nor this page have any connection whatsoever with the business interest of our infamous 'Aunt Martha' Stewart but have been fully endorsed by our 'Old Uncle Baldy'.

Perfidious Alban Genealogy Services

Would you like to have a Scottish title or tartan ?
Are you entitled to your own family crest or coat-of-arms ? Don't worry if you're not !
We can draw up any family tree for a nominal fee !
Please supply names for all required ancestors !
N.B. James VI is included on all our charts

Perfidious Alban Clan Maps

Now you can create your own totally unique Scottish clan map to show others just how important your Scottish ancestors really were.

All maps are supplied in our unique 'paint by numbers' format, allowing you to choose your own favourite colour, delineate the territory over which your ancestors held sway and add a clan name in any spelling of your choice.

These maps are supplied to, and fully endorsed by, both the MacMuppet and Akins Clan Societies.

Despicable Drain Cleaner

Hundreds of other uses . . .
rust removal, patio cleaning, paints stripping etc.
kills moss and all known weeds within 24 hours
also ideal for lighting barbecues

If you find another use for it, let us know !

Now available in pint, quart and gallon containers.

Cornpone County Cuisine

From the Menu of MacRoberts Steakhouse & Muffler Repair Center ®
'Bubba Grub - If it ain't cooked with lard, then it ain't worth eating !'

A choice selection from the extensive range. All available in individual size, freeze-dried, pre-packed portions. [ Grits and Chitlins are available in large, economy size 100 lb bags ]

~ Specialities of the House ~

Deep Fried Possum

A succulent possum, road-killed within the week wrapped in a delicate layer of corn pone and then lightly fried in lard. Served with a delicate moonshine-flavoured praline.

Chocolate Possum Hush Puppies

Bite-sized Possum pups, dipped in Hershey chocolate then battered and deep-fried in finest lard. Served with our unique catfish flavoured sauce.

Baked Possum
Possum Gravy over Grits
Possum stuffed with Grits

Groundhog Gumbo

Famous Name Foods

Akins Tripe
Shepherd Pie
Fisherman Pie
Retiree Roast
Welsh Rarebit
Breast of Peasant
New York Stripper
Original Irishman Stew
Baked Ham of Highlander
Haunch of Yankee Traveller

Baked Alaskan
Baked Florida Dimpled Chads
New York Panhandler in Syrup

When in Season and available [priced accordingly]
Fresh road-killed Tassie Devils, Wallabies and Wombats