scs Informer Pages - The scs Fighting Force (2)

BEING 'BADGED'

The proudest moment in every SCS poster's group career is when he is 'badged'!

Being 'badged" means you have earned the privilege of attaching an attractively crafted pin-on plastic and paper badge to your Tam O'Shanter or Balmoral bonnet at Highland Games, which says, "SCS POSTER" on a reproduction of the Lyon Flag (Click for an example of this prestigious award!)

This warns people of nervous disposition and children with hysteria problems that the bearer is unsafe to approach unless the approacher is holding out a fully-filled tumbler of malt whisky.

To qualify for membership in the most elite fighting force in the world - SCS - you must have successfully completed a final test known simply as "Endurance".

Be aware that passing this test is no mean feat. Sadly, before the test was restructured, candidates have actually been found dead at their keyboards, their hearts and patience having apparently given out.

The test is called Endurance because that is what you will need to complete it successfully. The requirements are as follows:

You will have 17 hours to read the SCS FAQ by Captain Craig "No Viagra!" Cockburn without collapsing or running out of the room screaming hysterically.

Candidates who pass out from exhaustion will be attended by the Medical Officer, Major Jim "Aggie" Stewart, who is a fully licensed and practising veterinarian from Texas.

This is followed by a stringent two-hour test to ensure you actually read the post and weren't just faking reading or were asleep.

If you pass, a small ceremony is held during which your Scottish headgear has the coveted badge pinned on by Col. Stewart himself.

Afterwards the Colonel will invite you to join him in the Regimental lounge where, by tradition, you are expected to buy him a pint tankard of Queen Anne Whisky. A second pint tankard of Dunblane Irish Whiskey must be purchased for Captain Cockburn.

You may purchase yourself a small glass of Glenfiddich and enjoy it with other candidates who are also being badged, assuming you have any money left.

Despite anything you may be told to the contrary, there is NO tradition of buying two pints of Talisker for Trooper MacRobert. Should he persist, please refer the matter to Col. Stewart, who will deal with it in the traditional fashion with the old SCS standby.

Do NOT ask the Colonel or the Captain if they would like help to drink the dozen or so pints of whisky they may each have in front of them. They are fully trained SCS veterans and can easily handle such problems without help from raw recruits.

Make sure you have an early night because the next morning you will go into advanced, specialist training!